handipaps

CART( . )( . )NS

2010-05-05T13:59:00.001-07:00

REALFUN/FUNERAL

when impulsivity leads to regret/neglect/imminent demise

ADRIENNE RICH

2009-06-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

TGIF

2009-06-19T06:47:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Mr. T

2009-05-21T07:17:00.001-07:00

Today Mr. T turns 57! I thought I'd use it as an opportunity to share one of Mr. T's greatest contributions to pop culture- and one of my favorite songs: Treat Your Mother Right!

"Mother--
There is no other
Like Mother
So treat Her right

Seven Hardcore Inches of the 90s

2009-04-30T08:07:00.001-07:00

1. click to enlarge

1. Extant from '94-'96, this 7" is the only thing this Seattle band ever released. Thrash comes in spurts. Members went on to form wimpy bands like Pretty Girls Make Graves, which almost tarnishes the radness of this cover... almost.
song title winner: "i went to AA for a year and all i got was this lousy ulcer"

2.
Their singer is the dude from Los Crudos. Sort of a thrashy hardcore supergroup, with members of Kill the Man Who Questions, Devoid of Faith, and some others.

Putting the 'core' back in 'queercore.'

3.
Noothgrush is the darkest, sludgiest, dirtiest band of the nineties hardcore scene i can think of. This 1996 split 7" with Agents of Satan is their second proper release. A mix vicious (and viscous) sludgecore with cardboard sign radicalism. Makes you feel icky.
Flip side of the Noothgrush 7". Look at that spiky peen!

4.
Ah, Neil Perry. My highschool girlfriend met your base player on Make Out Club dot com and fell in love on AIM. She stopped seeing me shortly thereafter.

Another Usurp Synapse split (not technically nineties)

5.
Roadsaw represents Allston, MA, and they still exist. Have they ever topped the art for this 1996 7"? Probably not.

Dig the cornball Scooby-Doo graph on the back. Bonus points for being on pee-yellow vinyl and for being an out-of-print release on the now defunct, once legendary stoner rock label, Man's Ruin.

6.
The world is a skull! and it's being attacked by a cockroach! with a giant flesh-tearing beak!

that's what's happening.

7.

Usurp Synapse again.
whoa daddy!

8.
This art is horrifying. The record is too, but in a different way: this single is a club remix of one of this boston metalcore band's songs- buzz's girlfriend. woof.

9.
Members of the Locust. Jimmy Lavalle would also go on to become the Album Leaf, of all things, and grace the soundtracks of hummer commercials. Sweet twist on the pirate flag aesthetic here. I've always liked this band name. Square 7" record on grey vinyl.
This is a great skull.

10.
grindcore + death metal + vegan = one fast, gory, animal friendly ride!

this is too hot for tv isn't it?

post by noXnarc

2009-04-28T13:19:00.001-07:00

he wasn't that great to my girl Pattie Boyd who was responsible for turning him on to LSD, India, meditation, etc. but he looks nice

THE OTHER HARVEY MILK

2009-04-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

HARVEY MILK GIVES ME HEAVY HEART: an experimental metal band from Athens, GA, formed in the early 90's. never had a major record deal. took a fourteen year hiatus after 1994's Courtesy and Good Will Toward Men, but in 2008 came out with a new album Life..the Best Game in Town. punk sludge dirt psychadelia syzurrp, mozart, the south, hypomanic, acne, pizza, etc. described as "a sludginess and fuckedupness creep." - some dude

favorite song= Anvil will Fall. i never want it to stop . kinda obsessed with the band's obsession with Anvils. "Gravity does not affect all objects equally - in particular a heavy object such as a piano or anvil will fall more slowly than a character, if this enables that character to be flattened by the anvil (there is a specialized branch of cartoon physics known as anvilology, devoted the the study of precisely these phenomena). An object or character falling from a tall building will always travel more slowly than another character running down the stairs or using an elevator." Here's one:
"The classic Milk track "The Anvil Will Fall", is a moody drifting whispery ballad, peppered by huge bursts of downtuned pummel, when out of nowhere, in come the strings, some patriotic hymn, an almost recognizable tune that Creston sings along too in his warbly raspy croon, even kicking it up into a wicked falsetto, before petering back out into the original hushed crawl, eventually launching into a super moving moody goddamned ANTHEM. The sort of song that should have sludge fans teary eyed with hat in hand, and hand over heart." -http://www.aquariusrecords.org/cat/experimental43.html

THESE DUDES ARE UGLY. SPIERS VOICE IS A BROKEN WASHING MACHINE

EPs

I've Got A Love (7" 2006)
Hayride/Harvey Milk: F*#k You Guys (7" 2006)

LPs

My Love Is Higher Than Your Assessment of What My Love Could Be (CD on Yesha 1994/Reissue CD on Relapse 2007)
Courtesy And Good Will Toward Men (LP on Reproductive & CD on Tumult 1995/Reissue CD on Relapse 2007/Reissue LP on Chunklet 2008 [Reissue used original sleeves]
The Pleaser (CD on Reproductive 1997/Reissue CD on Relapse 2007/LP on Chunklet 2008)
Special Wishes (LP & CD 2006)
Life... The Best Game In Town (2008)

Compilations and miscellaneous

The Singles (CD 2003)
The Kelly Sessions (CD 2004)
Anthem (CD+DVD 2006)

GUILTY: The many dos (and don'ts) of Phil Spector

2009-04-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

Waiter? I'm going to Pass Out.

2009-04-14T07:39:00.001-07:00

It's the Peeeeeeeen Paraaaaaaaade!

2009-04-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

How long can YOU doggie paddle for?

2009-04-08T07:29:00.001-07:00

"Sophie Tucker, apparently named after a late US entertainer, fell overboard as Jan Griffith and her family sailed through choppy waters off the northeast Queensland coast in November. The dog was believed to have drowned and the family was devastated. But Griffith contacted rangers when she'd heard they had captured a dog that had been living off feral goats on the largely uninhabited island, in the faint hope it might be their long-lost pet."
AND IT WAS!

This Australian cattle dog breed swam FIVE MILES and made it to St Bees Island where she spent the next 4 MONTHS eating all of the island's baby goats and barking at a volleyball. Rangers reunited family with Sophie,"We called the dog and she started whimpering and banging the cage and they let her out and she just about flattened us...She wriggled around like a mad thing." Griffith told the national AAP news agency. "We wish she could talk, we truly do."

Absurdity Hall of Fame: March 09

2009-04-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

Recession Alcoholism

HOT MOSS: Kate Mess

2009-03-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

Am I?

2009-03-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

Oceanic Feeling

2009-03-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

Reality TV: To Pimp Out Yr Kids or Not to Pimp Out Yr Kids

2009-03-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

To Pimp:
The Anna Nicole Show
&
The Real Housewives of NYC, Atlanta, Orange County

Living Lohan & Hogan Knows Best (errr not really)
&
Run's House & Little People, Big World
&
Kimora Lee: Life in the Fab Lane & Keeping Up with the Kardashians
&
Denise Richards' Colon It's Complicated

Being Bobby Brown & John and Kate + Eight
&

Not to Pimp:
Pam: Girl on the Loose & Flavor of Love
&
Bret Michaels: Rock of Love & Nadya Suleman, the Octo-Mommy
&

Regressive Internet Play Part II.

2009-03-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

all dolls courtesy of http://www.fancyephemera.com/index.html

Here's lookin' at you Teef!

2009-03-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

"It's Miley!"

damn.

2009-03-15T13:39:00.001-07:00

Dillinger's Dong: #1 Public Enemy or Out with the Penis Envy, In with the Penis Naiveté!

2009-03-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

DO male corpses get erections when they go through rigor mortis? historically infamous Schlong Controversy.

John Herbert Dillinger (1903–1934) was a bank robber in the Midwest during the 1930s. Some considered him a dangerous criminal, while others idolized him as a present-day Robin Hood. Along with Bonnie and Clyde, he dominated the attention of the American press during what is referred to as the 'public enemy era' (1931-1935), which led to the development of the modern and more sophisticated F.B.I.. Dillinger was believed to have robbed dozens of banks of a total of more than $300,000. He was killed by the F.B.I. outside of a theater on July 22, 1934.

Not there yet... Interestingly enough, there is some speculation over whether or not it was really Dillinger who was gunned down on that day. Apparently, he had undergone the "Mickey Rourke"(a.k.a. crude plastic surgery 1930's style) sometime before his death which complicates things. But some researchers and crime writers believe the man who died that day was actually a petty criminal from Wisconsin named Jimmy Lawrence, whose name Dillinger was using as a pseudonym and who resembled Dillinger. Damn, that sucks. People who knew Dillinger said they didn't recognize the body when they saw it. Even Dillinger's dad said "That's not my boy!" when he went to see the corpse. This is some Changeling shit. And lastly, if the FBI did mistake Lawrence for Dillinger, they would have covered it up because Hoover was about to be fired as FBI director and needed a saving grace; also people love a good solved crime.

The autopsy was super whack and controversial:

The corpse had brown eyes. Dillinger's were grey.
The body showed signs of some childhood illness which Dillinger never had.
The body showed a heart condition yet according to the later testimony of Dr. Patrick Weeks—Dillinger could not have suffered from this disease as he was a baseball player and had served in the Navy.
The small Colt semi-automatic pistol that Dillinger had allegedly drawn on the FBI agents was not his; it had been manufactured five months after his death, which supports the claim that the FBI agents, without warning, shot and killed an unarmed Dillinger.
In 1963, an Indiana newspaper received a letter from a person who claimed to be "John Dillinger" with a return address in Hollywood, California. The letter contained a photo of a man who looked like a more aged Dillinger.

NOW One of the rumors that followed his death, resulting from a photograph of his corpse, was that he had a HUGE D. And that Herbert Hoover kept it in a jar. Others reported that Dillinger's penis had found its way into the Smithsonian. Tales of John Dillinger's legendary peen spread like blood flowing to a boner, and now hold a pretty sweet place in the book of American urban legends.

the bulge was apparently caused by his arm, stiff from rigor mortis and covered with a sheet.

WHATEVS.

The Worst Dancer in America

2009-03-12T07:50:00.001-07:00

Ramona of The Housewives of NYC

a la TheDlisted

Drink More Water

2009-03-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

Favorite Things: Paper Dolls

2009-03-06T11:02:00.000-08:00

sublimate girlchild urges.

http://www.jdavidmckenney.com/dressmeupdoll.html (the best)
http://www.paperdollheaven.com/en/ (really fun, stars and dogs)
http://100megsfree4.com/gogators4/MovieStars.html (TYRA)
http://www.paperdolls.org/ (an archive of history's favorites)
http://marilee.us/paperdolls2.html#Printteenager (printable assortment)

The Worst Outfit of 2009

2009-03-06T10:58:00.001-08:00

Ed Hardy, Halloween, My Little Pony and Vomiting four-some .

I'll trade Fades for Braids

2009-03-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

The best compliment I ever got was that I looked like a Mennonite. I'm trying to milk that shit like an Amish milkmaid. BRAID MY HAIR.

Absurdity Hall of Fame: February 09

2009-02-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

butt animalz

ahhh courtney

curing penis envy since 2009

fugliest. dude. ever.

My Mom's New Man Friend

& Mr. Cat Lady

You are not Alone, but your Doctor might be stoned

2009-02-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

nodules of inflammation appear as bumps under the skin on your face or body from too much masturbation or cursing.
hot compress, burnt needle, push as hard as you can
.

SPACE CATS!

2009-02-24T13:17:00.000-08:00

Poster Boy Strikes Again!

2009-02-19T17:26:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/26296445@N05/sets/72157605066109339/

Will the real Bic Mac please stand up?

2009-02-19T17:07:00.000-08:00

The Use of False Advertising in Fast Food Joints. funny ya'll.
http://www.thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm

TRAUMA CATS

2009-02-19T11:35:00.001-08:00

DRUGZ.DRGZ.RGZ.GZ.Z.Z.Z.z.

2009-02-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

http://www.cnbc.com/id/28561896

R.I.P.

2009-02-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes when a man's alone, all you got is your dog and they meant the world to me."

LOKI (1992-2009)

two for tuesday

2009-02-17T08:40:00.001-08:00

babies raping babies

2009-02-13T12:42:00.000-08:00

Alfie Patten, who is 13 but looks like 4, became a father four days ago when his girlfriend Chantelle "sick-in-head" Steadman, 15, gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne. The baby was conceived after Chantelle and Alfie — just 12 at the time — had "a single night" of unprotected sex- yea, more like "a single second." Alfie, who is just 4ft tall, is allowed to stay overnight with Chantelle at her mother's house and even has a school uniform there so he can go straight to his classes in the morning. PHEW thank god!

Alfie's dad, who's finally decided to have the 'birds-and-the bees-a-little-too-fucking-late' conversation with his son, looks on the bright side: "He could have shrugged his shoulders and sat at home on his Playstation. But he has been at the hospital every day."

This kid is gonna be soooo fucked up. He is never gonna touch is sleepy baby peen to a pussy again. He probobly doesn't even know what happened.

Alfie states, "I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10."

No shit dude. You're thirteen. At your age I was still playing with barbies and practice-kissing my hand. This kid barely passes the height requirement for Space Mountain at Disney World. Man, I wanna take him home and nurse him.

Wowsies!

2009-02-12T06:12:00.000-08:00

Doppelgänger Detective: D.C. vs. Hollywood

2009-02-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

Round #1: Dick Cheney vs. Biff from back to the future

Round#2: G.W.Bush vs. Charles Manson

Round #3: Jimmy Carter vs. Brad Pitt

Round #4: Rod Blagojevich vs. John Travolta

Round #5 Mike Huckabee vs. David Berkowitz (Son of Sam)

Round #6 Sarah Palin vs. Ginnifer Goodwin

Round #7 John McCain vs. The Lawrence Brothers (in particular, Matthew)

Round #8 Joe Biden vs. Michael "Bongwater" Phelps

ashly

2009-02-10T06:33:00.000-08:00

"I'm a dancer at the best strip club in town. My favorite food is crab legs and I love beer! I love to dance and go to random dive bars."

Potent Quotables

"I didn't know they make swimsuits in size fat fuck."

"People puke, and they poop their pants. I'll puke on your mom. Your mom loves it."

"Im not here for you. Im here for Bret. I want a cheeseburger."

"Are we in trouble? Did someone take a deuce on the bus? "

"'Get ready to meet me in St. Louis.' Where's that?"

"People who eat basil are lame."

M.I.A.: more hardcore than you

2009-02-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

Even Geraldo loves to get high!

2009-02-06T12:07:00.000-08:00

Phelps, you ain't alone!
Let's take a moment to honor ALL stoners in the spotlight!

david arquette, lindsay lohan, orlando bloom, paris hilton, arnold schwarzenegger

misha barton, bruce willis, brad pitt

steevo no surprise, nicole ritchie, pass that pipe, mary jane olsen

seth rogen, kimora simmons, justin + pharrell, lily allen

puff daddy,namesake, willy nelson, snoop, bob marley, redman

lil' wayne, gillian anderson, lo bosworth + cast of laguna beach

frances mcdormand (knew it), charlize theron, drew barrymore + cameron diaz

kristen stewart.......................... in the best bikini ever, joss stone

owen wilson + woody harrelson, bing crosby, tupac shakur, celine dion

geraldo rivera, my lunch!

What's your secret?

2009-02-05T06:40:00.000-08:00

This shit is outta mudaflippin control.
love that they're printed on Amer App t-shirts: Sexual Harrasment Church Chic.
FOUND AT: http://p4cmtshirts.bigcartel.com/

"Ex-homosexual? Yes, Ex-homosexual. Check out youtube.com/user/p4cmEXHomosexual and see why a young woman repented from the homosexual lifestyle after almost getting married to her girlfriend of 5 years."

"We were slaves to our passions and pleasures. We knew that the lust, lying, hatred, selfishness and vanity had a grip on us. But one day God gripped us and the chains dropped. We are officially Ex-Slaves."

"Although many of us may not have been hustlers on the streets slanging rocks, we all tried to hustle God. We really thought we was goin' hustle our way into heaven. We wanted to try to get God on board with our agenda instead of getting on board with His agenda. We now know: tryin' to play God- we'll get played."

"We were like animals when it came to sex. We only had one question your place or mine? We could care less about pregnancies and STD's let alone the fact that if we died in that state we would have gone to hell. Many of us thought we could never stop having sex, but whom the Son sets free is free indeed. We are now EX-Fornicators."

"Many of us would not have said that God did not exist, but we lived as though God did not exist. We lived as though there would be no consequences for our sins. We did whatever pleased us. Thank God though, today we are officially ex-atheists."

Back by Popular Demand: Paps: Paternity P.I.

2009-02-04T12:08:00.000-08:00

YO YO YO

apparently princess diana had a longtime affair with this guy named James Hewitt (left) who was a British household cavalry officer which basically means he dressed fancy and played with horses. more importantly, he's rumored to be the father of prince harry.

Anywhere but here

2009-02-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

i'm a gypsy in need of health insurance
so i can resume my gypsy duties
read tarot; cuddle, clean
your animals

i wanna draw your face for money
i would leave this place for money

Absurdity Hall of Fame: The Best of Jam-uary 09

2009-01-30T09:47:00.000-08:00

PAPS: Paternity P.I.

2009-01-29T06:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I happened across a bit of very popular and "blind" gossip. Seeing as I was having one of the most boring coma inducing days, I decided to take up the mystery as a cause. Sometimes my college degree and research experience really comes in handy. So here it goes, the item first courtesy of http://blindgossip.com.

Baby Looks Just Like The Fling

This celebrity couple has been together for a few years now. They have at least one child together. Earlier in their relationship, she had an affair, a baby was born, and the couple continued their relationship. As the child gets older, however, it is becoming more and more apparent that the child very strongly resembles the fling. In fact, if you compare the photos of the celebrity child to childhood photos of the fling, they look like two peas in a pod. And, yes, the fling is a celebrity too, although not as high profile as the celebrity couple.

Okay. Now the leading contenders...

1. VIOLET AFFLECK (+ JENN GARNER)

2. SURI CRUISE (+ KATIE HOLMES)

VIOLET

"Jennifer Garner cheated on her first husband, Scott Foley, with Michael Vartan. Following which she cheated on Michael Vartan with Ben Affleck- once a cheater, always a cheater." - anon

"I’m going with Violet Affleck being the daughter of Michael Vartan and here’s why: Violet’s hair is too blond to make her the child of two brunette parents. Remember when Vartan was sporting a black eye? Makes you go “hmmm.” -anon

"Two peas in a pod. Garner n' Garber. Victor Garber. He has been seen going with Jen to Dr apts when she was pregnant. How many women would have just a friend go to a personal ob appt? There is more to that friendship than meets the eye. Trust. Violet i s the perfect mix of Jen Garner and Victor Garber. Look for the pic of him holding her little pink stroller. Twinsies!" -anon ------->

Yet I see pictures of Ben Affleck from his childhood and case closed- Ben Affleck IS the daddy-

SURI (+ Katie Holmes)

Holy Cheese Whiz this story is complicated. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into.
I'm not normally a conspiracy theorist but I buy it, I do.

1) Scientology (literally killz)
2) Tom Cruise Image Make-Over
3) "The BUMP" Controversy
4) Photographs don't lie h8trs
5) Tom's Prior Fertility Issues ("Tom and Nicole were "trying" for years with no success. And his first wife Mimi Rogers couldn't get pregnant either! Then both Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman immediately go on to have children with their next husbands!")

Katie Holmes was already pregnant with Chris Klein's baby. Witnesses have reported th at Klein confessed to getting Katie pregnant. Then she was recruited by Tom who desperately needed an image makeover (as a young, virile, fertile stud) and a sham marri ag e (vis-a-vis his agreement with Scientology to protect his homosexuality) thus they pretended to have the baby in April when she had actually given birth earlier, hence all the hullabaloo surrounding her ever-changing bump and then keeping Suri hidden until the Vanity Fair cover when she looked 3-6 months older than her stated age. Also the birth certificate is blank and dated wrong.

"Katie stuck a pumpkin up her jumper. I have never seen a bump like it!! Suri looks older than just turned 1!"

The next theory surrounds the possibility of an egg donor, most popularly believed to be Tom Cruise's cousin William Mapother. ehhh, too weird....what's the point?

BUT THE WINNER IS....AND I HAVE DONE MY RESEARCH!

-Katie and Joshua Jackson dated exclusively for about a year in the beginning of the TV series and then broke up. When Dawson's Creek ended, Katie claimed in interviews that Josh was her closest friend of the cast– they remained good friends (friends w/benefits) and kept in touch. Katie flew all the way to London just to see his play in the West End, and you can bet she didn’t do anything like that for any other former Creekers. Yet Josh was the only former cast mate NOT invited to her wedding. Funny, no? And since, she's cut all ties with him.

-When Katie and Chris Klein broke up for good, Josh was the first person Katie went to see. A very, VERY short time later we hear that Katie Holmes is engaged to Tom Cruise and supposedly having his love child. A baby was definitely part of the contract.

-After Suri was born, A-list celebrity’s doctors were reportedly “shocked” to hear Cruise had fathered a child. Also, following Nicole Kidman’s Vanity Fair interview (regarding her supposed miscarriage with Tom’s baby) word came out that a big name actress agreed to say a few things that might not be 100% true in order to get a role she desperately wanted (and then Kidman won the Oscar for The Hours)

Suri looks soooo much like Joshua Jackson that it’s becoming more clear day by day. And remember–Jackson was a child actor ("Mighty Ducks”, “Andre”, etc) so there is knowledge of, and access to, what he looked like. "Anyone that has a minute to do the side-by-side will see it." Time line puts Katie Holmes in very close proximity with him, her extra special ex, at the very beginning of her Tom Cruise contract. Either she got knocked up and went along or she sought out a trusted friend/sperm donor who needed a pay day. Maybe TomKat got Jackson the 'Fringe' gig. Regardless, Tom and Kate's whole relationship is a publicity stunt, Katie rocked a fake belly for some of the pregnancy and Tom is a gay whack-job.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND
CASE CLOSED

The Wave of the Future?

2009-01-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

May I be excused from New York City?

2009-01-22T12:05:00.000-08:00

Hi!

2009-01-20T06:21:00.000-08:00

madonna

2009-01-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

Attitudes toward women and their bodies really change in thirty years Madonna got paid $25 for them in 1979 and now they're selling for $15,000.

Gone Fishin

2009-01-17T14:41:00.001-08:00

COWORKERS:

2009-01-14T19:12:00.000-08:00

What's worse is- when I google imaged "shut the fuck up" I found several charming creations of this variety:

2009-01-13T10:18:00.000-08:00

The Addict, 02 01 1966

2009-01-12T20:14:00.000-08:00

Sleepmonger,
deathmonger,
with capsules in my palms each night,
eight at a time from sweet pharmaceutical bottles
I make arrangements for a pint-sized journey.
I'm the queen of this condition.
I'm an expert on making the trip
and now they say I'm an addict.
Now they ask why.
WHY!

Don't they know that I promised to die!
I'm keeping in practice.
I'm merely staying in shape.
The pills are a mother, but better,
every color and as good as sour balls.
I'm on a diet from death.

Yes, I admitit has gotten to be a bit of a habit-
blows eight at a time, socked in the eye,
hauled away by the pink, the orange,
the green and the white goodnights.
I'm becoming something of a chemical
mixture.
that's it!

My supply
of tablets
has got to last for years and years.
I like them more than I like me.
It's a kind of marriage.
It's a kind of war where I plant bombs inside
of myself.

Yes
I try
to kill myself in small amounts,
an innocuous occupation.
Actually I'm hung up on it.
But remember I don't make too much noise.
And frankly no one has to lug me out
and I don't stand there in my winding sheet.
I'm a little buttercup in my yellow nightie
eating my eight loaves in a row
and in a certain order as in
the laying on of hands
or the black sacrament.

It's a ceremony
but like any other sport
it's full of rules.
It's like a musical tennis match where
my mouth keeps catching the ball.
Then I lie on; my altar
elevated by the eight chemical kisses.

What a lay me down this is
with two pink, two orange,
two green, two white goodnights.
Fee-fi-fo-fum-
Now I'm borrowed.
Now I'm numb.

-Anne Sexton

"Alien vs. Predator"

2009-01-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

Praise this world, Rilke says, the jerk.
We’d stay up all night. Every angel’s
berserk. Hell, if you slit monkeys
for a living, you’d pray to me, too.
I’m not so forgiving. I’m rubber, you’re glue.

That elk is such a dick. He’s a space tree
making a ski and a little foam chiropractor.
I set the controls, I pioneer
the seeding of the ionosphere.
I translate the Bible into velociraptor.

In front of Best Buy, the Tibetans are released,
but where’s the whale on stilts that we were promised?
I fight the comets, lick the moon,
pave its lonely streets.
The sandhill cranes make brains look easy.

I go by many names: Buju Banton,
Camel Light, the New York Times.
Point being, rickshaws in Scranton.
I have few legs. I sleep on meat.
I’d eat your bra—point being—in a heartbeat.

-Michael Robbins

2009-01-06T12:46:00.000-08:00

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

2008-12-31T08:04:00.000-08:00

Cream of the Creep - Best of Craigslist

2008-12-23T06:34:00.000-08:00

How do you measure the damn thing? - m4w

Reply to: pers-965699600@craigslist.org ^[?] Date: 2008-12-21, 1:09AM EST
I will admit it. I am surfing almost aimlessly on CL right now, and I was combing through the M4Whomever posts, many of which, as you know, feature graphic photos of what the prospective mate has to offer manhoodwise. One advertise a man 5'9" and slender with a 7" penis. There was a photo of the man completely erect. Now, you can't very well misrepresent a number with a picture attached, so presumably the man is 7".

I am much taller and more powerfully built than this man, and my fully erect penis is larger in proportion to his. But whatever instrument he is using, I would be at least 8". Yet I would never claim such an impressive complement! Like any red-blooded male, I have broken out the tape measure at various times in my life, and I always have tried to be an honest broker with myself. I measure only from the shaft t o the tip in an unexaggerated straight line. It comes out just under 7" each time. And believe me I have hoped it would grow. But the tape reads the same each time.

So do these measurements give the benefit of every doubt and accident of geometry? When someone says they want 8" what does that even mean? I know this is a masochistic and masturbatory question, but I am just wonde ring.

I'll be there today and he won't - m4w - 22 (Bowery )

Reply to: pers-965889547@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-12-21, 10:48AM EST

I know I have months of work ahead, but in the near future let's share a warm bed. babies in time, life is devine, but at the moment its suffering. I'll see you soon, break out this caccoon, and blossom to be on your level, your strange self asteem, in tangled extreems, he's but a worm on the end of a hook. love your very hungry catapiller

to the F bitch who got me oral herpes - m4w

Reply to: pers-966339750@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-12-21, 6:14PM EST

where in the world are you so i can kick ur ass? i cant afford the freaking medicine and i have the most horrible cold sord ever. im hating, everybody be carefull this bith didnt have anything when we made out. thats right, we only made out! shit.

this is the wierdest yet. - m4w - 24

i came home. recently. looked in my trash box and there they are 2 pics of you and me. im sure im 1000% sure i deleted these. is it a hacker, is someone taking over my pc. im we ll protected i know that. why whowhat and where. i will only post one. i blurred it out with some art. it was the first pic we ever to took together. i remember clearly. i disposed of all or thing that reminded me of you. i am sure of it. what should i think of this.that hard drive i kept of you is still in my briefcase. no lie no joke these where deleted. i made sure of it. it cant be any of my family. you just cant retreive data like that after it has been permanently deleted. why are they back. whats going . this is scaring me here. are you feeling the same things as i do. im very serious. here. this is not a joke. I DELETED THESE PICS. why in god name why are they back on my comp. on my new comp that i bought. just to not see any mre of you. i guess this is the most i will see of you. thats the sign i will take it as. it made me tear when i seen it. this is crazy truely crazy...

Pre-X-Mas Jitters

2008-12-22T10:21:00.000-08:00

Aglow

by Matthew Zapruder

Hello everyone, hello you. Here we are under
this sky. Where were you Tuesday? I was at the El Rancho
Motel in Gallup. Someone in one of the nameless rooms
was dying, slowly the ambulance came, just another
step toward the end. An older couple asked me
to capture them with a camera, gladly I rose
about three inches and did and then back to my chair.
I thought of Paul Celan, one of those poets
everything happened to strangely as it happens
to everyone. In German he wrote he rose one pain inch
above the floor, I don't understand but I understand.
Did writing in German make him a little part
of whoever set in motion the chain of people
talking who pushed his parents under the blue grasses
of the Ukraine? No. My name is Ukrainian
and Ukranians killed everyone but six people with my name.
Do you understand me now? It hurts to be part
of the chain and feel rusty and also a tiny squeak now
part of what makes everything go. People talk a lot,
the more they do the less I remember in one of my rooms
someone is always dying. It doesn't spoil
my time is what spoils my time. No one can know
what they've missed, least of all my father who was building
a beautiful boat from a catalog and might still be.
Sometimes I feel him pushing a little bit on my lower back
with a palm made of ghost orchids and literal wind. Today
I'm holding onto holding onto what Neko Case called
that teenage feeling. She means one thing, I mean another,
I mean to say that just like when I was thirteen
it has been a hidden pleasure but mostly an awful pain
talking to you with a voice that pretends to be shy
and actually is, always in search of the question
that might make you ask me one in return.

(2008)

GIMME GIMME BURRITOS

2008-12-19T07:25:00.000-08:00

COSMIC CANTINA

105 3rd Ave
Homemade flour tortillas
Bangin Burritos (*Deluxe Veg)
Organic, fresh ingredients
*$2 Beers,Sangria $3 Pitchers $8-$15

Open til 5 AM. EV right by L.

rip sparks zine

2008-12-18T11:00:00.000-08:00

R.I.P. Dear Friend

Memories of Sparks and Me.

my fav --->

"dearest sparks.

i drink so much of you that by the end of the night i have forgotten everything. how did i get home? where are my shoes? who is this man? how can one be both exhausted and awake at the same time? thank you for many many years of orange vomit, bad decisions, restless nights, and the opportunity to be awake for the sunrise. you will be missed.
yours truly,

mickey pussy pass that sparkzzz."

"Dear Sparks,
I didn't know you very well; I only drank you once and when I did I choked on you and exclaimed "This tastes like liquid Smarties." Later I realized this was because you were marketed to underage drinkers--bridging the gap between candy and "candy". When I was young I drank wine coolers or my mom's Kahlua with milk; I'd close my eyes, lift my pinkie in the air, and pretend I was a divorcee. It was always difficult to luxuriate in pain with a cold metal can in my hand. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you were good to my friends. Their loss is mine.

Yours,
shanty-town"

"Dear Sparks, dear Companion, so close to my racing heart,

How will I throw parties without you? I don't even know how to be funny and entertaining without you. There are too many 'what-ifs.' What if I'd done more for you. What if I'd just drank one extra Sparks every night. What if I'd informed children of your danger and encouraged them to Just Say No until later? What if I repeatedly stabbed that fucking miserable bitch in the Midwest who defamed you. But there's no need to question. It is done now. So I shall thank you. You've given me years of sweet perfumed little farts. And truly the most bizarre spins one could have. I loved to mix you with weed: Sparxball. I loved to scream your name into the night very quickly "SPARKS SPARKS SPARKS SPARKS!" Sometimes, when I walk, I say your name with every step "SPARKS SPARKS SPARKS SPARKS." And since we've been one, my heart has proudly thumped "SPARKS SPARKS SPARKS SPARKS" with every beat. And now I will go, and fill every crevise of my home with you, leaving only a small walkway, so I may keep you for as long as possible. Here is a poem I wrote for you, modeled after Auden's "In Memory of W.B. Yeats"

In Memory of Sparks

I.

You disappeared in the dead of winter: WHY???

The streets were frozen, the bars almost deserted,

The snow disfigured the public haters;

The orange stains sank in the mouth of the dying day.



What instruments we have agree

The day of Sparks death was a dark cold day.



Now you are scattered among a hundred empty cans

And we wholly given over to unfamiliar bevarages,

To find happiness in another kind of energy/alcoholic drink

And be punished under a foreign sip of depravity.



The words of a dead can

Are modified in the guts of the living.

What instruments we have agree

The day of Sparks death was a dark cold day.



II

You were silly like us; your electric jolt enlivened our youth.



III

Earth, receive an honoured guest:

Sparks is laid to rest.

Let the American vessel lie

Emptied of its energy and alcohol.



Follow, Sparks, follow right

To the very end of the night,

With your hyperactive voice

Still persuade us to rejoice.



In the deserts of the heart

Let the healing fountains start,

In the prison of his days

Teach the Sparks-less how to praise.



-- Jessica Kate Papitto"



"Dear Sparks, 



I never really got to know you either. Like

Chantal, I prefer the intellectual rapture of smoking pot and watching

television, to the tried and true Trannibal ritual of Sparks and

Mayhem. You always promised unending nights of wide-eyed exuberance,

sleepless weekends and te threat of getting my face stomped on. I

avoided you: you intimidated me. And now you're gone. 

I guess the lesson here is to tell people you love them while you still have the chance. 

So,Sparks, wherever you are now, up in soda pop heaven with Pepsi Crystal,

Orbitz, Fruitopia and Mountain Dew Code Red, I want you to know that

you have turned my friends into monsters. Literally. And now you've

left them like junkies in a Mormon compound, rotting from within. And

I'm (a little) sad about that. 



i'm going top california tomorrow for a week. i trust that by the

time i get back you all will have been through Sparks Withdrawal and

gained the requisite 69 pounds. Sorry. 



xx max



ps you all miss sparks way too much. 

pps i love you anyways"



"When betty page died,

i wasn't surprised.

i thought she was already dead.



same with odetta

and mirmiam makeba.

i ain't got much smarts in my head.



all due to you sparks!

you're pumping through my heart!

much like a hummingbird's wings...



it's dark here without you.

your absence's a sad clue.

it speaks of the end of all things.



sparks + mortality?

this can't be reality, 

without you it's surprisingly stark. 



if "sparks!" i can't shout,

then sparkx this i'm out!

sparks sparks sparks sparks sparks sparks sparks sparks. 



-GIGI SWIFT"



"Dear sparks,

I recently discovered you tasted really bad when drunk out of a

plastic cup....oh Sparks, I'm sorry but you know I'm no good at

talking about my feelings.  That's why I drank you.



I love you and I know I'll see you again in heaven.  I'll look for the

angels with the orange tongues.

Lauren"



"Dear Sparks,



I don't quite know how I'll be able to grind my

teeth in my sleep without you.  Caffeine at 12:30AM?  At 1?  at 3?  How

does one knowingly do that to one's body?  And gladly?  Well my friend,

parting is sweet sorrow.  B/c you did play on my lingering fat-phobia

by coming in blue and you tricked me into thinking alcohol doesn't have

any calories.   You were such a jerk.  Such a beautiful jerk.



I hope youre making angels drunk in heaven,



Tommy"

2002-2008

"It was the best of films, it was the worst of films:" Nothing But Trouble

2008-12-17T09:30:00.000-08:00

BAD ACID-DRENCHED, SICKLY DYSFUNCTIONAL, ANTI-YUPPIE BLACK COMEDY, 90'S HELL ADVENTURE, NO ESCAPE.

In 1991 I was seven years old. We had HBO and one night I came across a movie that appealed to me ... almost two decades later, I am STILL having a nightmare about being trapped in this hellfire! At a certain point I became convinced that no such film ever existed and that these memories were either fantasies that I'd made up or memories from a past life where I was killed in a Nazi Concentration Camp Rollercoaster. a dear friend happened to share similar vague and hackneyed memories of the film (John Candy, sick fucking shit) and FOUND IT!

God I love the internet sometimes. It's a r e a l good detective.

Nothing But Trouble.

Here's what I suggest: consume drugs and watch this fucking movie, man.

My Cryptnopsis:

A financier/Yuppie A (Chevy Chase, kinda hot btw) meets a sexy, kinda harsh woman/Yuppie B (Demi Moore, wtf) and agrees to drive her to a business meeting somewhere far away. Along the way, they idiotically attempt to spice up their safe yuppiedom by commiting a fatal traffic error in a tiny town in the middle of n o w h e r e. But the plan foils and they are arrested and taken to the local court of VALKENVANIA. But things are not as they seem (you could say that again, and again). The courthouse/prison is a PSYCHOTIC death camp full of "zany booby traps and deadly contraptions. Throughout the film we follow the captured couple as they try to escape from the judge and his bizarre family a.k.a dante's inferno.

I will not say more except:

DICK NOSE:

OBESE DEATH TWINS:

JOHN CANDY IN DRAG:

& TUPAC SHAKUR!

Memorable Quotes:

"Y'know, you are worse than a week of yellow shitstorms"

"Thank you, Judge. You know, there's nothing better at the end of a long day on the road than a nice warm glass of Hawaiian Punch."

"Wait, I'm entitled to one phone call.
Surely, and you're more than welcome to make one, if we had a phone.

"I have to plead to the Fifth Dimension."

VIEWER RESPONSE:

"This one is the #1 all-time worst movie ever. And I've seen A LOT of movies."

"I thought I was the only one! I decorated my house exactly like it. I still love watching, and showing it to all my friends... who kind of inch away from me as I die laughing." weirdo

"Haters, you are all unimaginative and insatiable. This is a good old fashioned funny freak show straight from the mind of Aykroyd. The whole movie had a rustic oddball tone to it that just got weirder and weirder. C'mon enjoy it for it's undeniable uniqueness and it's ability to work out your WTF muscles." weirdo

"Shitty but I like it. I can't look anybody in the eyes and say that it's a good movie, but I dig it"

"Anyone connected to this film should apologize to all the people who they have mischaracterized and issue refunds to anyone who sat through this depraved and disgusting film. What's next? A comedy film about Auschwitz?"

"OK, maybe I'm just weird but this is one of the scariest movies I have ever seen, and I don't get scared easily. The whole junkyard environment is my ideal definition of a nightmare. Despite spikes of humor here and there, the situation never gets better. I've woken up in a cold sweat numerous times from this damn movie. I'm now twenty and thinking back to this movie still makes me nauseous. Anyone else?

This film was nominated in 1991 by the Razzie Awards for:

Worst Actress, Demi Moore, Worst Supporting Actor, Dan Aykroyd, Worst Director, Worst Picture, Worst Screenplay, Dan and Peter Aykroyd, Worst Supporting Actress, John Candy

HIP HOP VIDEO FOR THE FILM:

**For a real Valkenvania see: http://www.offroaders.com/album/centralia/centralia.htm

YES AND YES

2008-12-16T07:26:00.000-08:00

SEEN + FOUND

2008-12-15T11:11:00.001-08:00

Gregory Crewdson, kind of the jam

Li Wei, also cool

David LaChapelle

Ruth

Unknown Artist

Impossibly Long Pigtails

2008-12-11T10:17:00.000-08:00

The Works of Amy Cutler, American folk artist (1974-

It's half-assed hypothesis Wednesday!

2008-12-10T18:45:00.000-08:00

So I had jury duty today at the King's County Supreme Court and hung out with a murderer. Which basically means that I'm kindofabigdeal in the legal world now. Yeah, I almost got chosen. Interestingly enough, I read in the paper this morning that Diane Downs' parole was turned down.

Later I got to reading Missed Connections, ya know, cause I'm weird (it's a thingy on craigslist for all you Scientologists). ANYWAY, I was left with a feeling: What the fuck is with all the posts about women who are crying? Do people find sad women pretty? Does it serve an evolutionary/survival purpose-- like encourage care and protection from otherwise heartless sociopaths? Or is it about vulnerability and prey? Do suffering women excite men? Kathleen Hanna said "When I'm angry, I cry instead of screaming cause no one likes the girl with the red face." Whenever you cry on the subway there's always someone watching like they want to either save you or fuck you.

Here's a few from the Cream of the Creep:

1) Crying on the 2 train - m4w

Reply to: pers-950646306@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-12-08, 10:42PM EST

you were crying on the train this morning. i never got the story or your name.

2) Girl crying on F train. Last car at about 10 PM - m4w (F Train to Brooklyn)

Reply to: pers-944229964@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-12-03, 11:35PM EST
Hi,

You were crying. I wanted to ask if you were OK but you had your headphones on and were surrounded by strangers - not the ideal setting. I got on at 2nd ave, off at York and was wearing a blue jacket. We exchanged a few smiles. I hope you have someone to talk to. If not, I'm all ears...

3) Pretty (but sullen) girl with a ring on the L - m4w

Reply to: pers-947873062@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-12-06, 6:20PM EST

You were checking out a nice ring you purchased and I sat down next to you hoping (so hoping) to talk to you, but you didn't seem open to it.
You are so pretty with your light blue eyes and shiny porcelain face. Maybe even more so because you kind of had this expression on it...

Lost in Queens: Tripped out, Other Worldly, Acid Simulacra, Fantastically Bizarre

2008-12-09T08:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not gonna lie, I've never been this hungover in my entire life. Since like college. I'm waiting for a train and I'm tender death melt stoned as fuck

I start to smell burning rubber and I hear a bell. Ding, Ding, Ding and out of the darkness of the subway tunnel comes THIS!

The doors open. [My people don't trust unmarked trains meant for other purposes. A conductor looks at me and says ...
"COME ABOARD THE SPECIAL TRAIN. Next stop "Abandoning Reality!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i DIDN'T GET THE MEMO THAT THERE'S A TRAIN FROM 1930 THAT PULLS INTO STATIONS JUST TO SCARE HIGH PEOPLE.

This train is called the Nostalgia Train and it's really kinda cool after all. This vintage train runs every Sunday through December on the V line between Queens Plaza and 2 Ave (Queens Plaza; 23 St-Ely Av; Lexington Av/53 St; 5 Av/53 St; 47-50 Sts Rockefeller Center; 42 St Bryant Park; 34 St Herald Sq; 23 St (6 Av); 14 St (6 Av); W 4 St Wash Sq; B’way-Lafayette St; Lower East Side 2 Av)
In the words of MTA: "With a little bit of luck and good timing, you can catch a ride!"
AKA a little Salvia, and a kaleidoscope

Day 5 of Marijuana Abstinence and all I can think of are

2008-12-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

flippin tree people??

Sleep disturbances seem to be more pronounced during cannabis abstinence.
Don't even get me started...

P. Darker

2008-12-04T10:41:00.000-08:00

A Well-Worn Story

by Dorothy Parker

In April, in April,
My one love came along,
And I ran the slope of my high hill
To follow a thread of song.

His eyes were hard as porphyry
With looking on cruel lands;
His voice went slipping over me
Like terrible silver hands.

Together we trod the secret lane
And walked the muttering town.
I wore my heart like a wet, red stain
On the breast of a velvet gown.

In April, in April,
My love went whistling by,
And I stumbled here to my high hill
Along the way of a lie.

Now what should I do in this place
But sit and count the chimes,
And splash cold water on my face
And spoil a page with rhymes?

( 1926)

consummate actress, hampered by beauty

2008-12-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

Vivian Leigh, Lady Olivier (November 5, 1913 – July 8, 1967) Was raised in a convent by wolves. She abandoned her husband Herbert Leigh Holman (wonder why) and daughter for Hollywood. Later, she married and repeatedly betrayed Sir Lawrence Olivier. She was most well known for playing the two most notable Southern belles in American cinema Blanch DuBois & Scarlett O' Hara.

I've probably seen Gone with the Wind 75 times. When i was little, I would put on every skirt I could find, one on top of the other, until i had the poofiest skirt in all the world. And i would put on GWTW and sit in front of the TV. For years. No wonder my dad didn't love me. When I was older I learned that Ms Leigh was manic, suicidal, chained smoked and cheated on the most famous man in England. I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the entire world.

"Without apparent provocation, she began screaming at him, before suddenly becoming silent and staring into space."
May 1967, she became ill with a recurrent bout of tuberculosis from which she had been suffering for over twenty years. Her body was discovered on the floor. She had been attempting to walk to the bathroom, and as her lungs filled with liquid, she had collapsed.

RIP VIV

*For more see E! True Hollywood Story: Britney Spears: Price of Fame

Cats, man

2008-12-02T19:06:00.000-08:00

Thomas: i ended up on the floor in roys room trying to have a heart to heart with his cat

me: mixed message cat

Believe It.

2008-11-26T07:17:00.001-08:00

ers on a typewriter.

too bad i'm unionized, haters.

2008-11-25T11:32:00.001-08:00

horrorscope 11-25-08

2008-11-25T07:24:00.000-08:00

Weak, transient effect: This morning you are inclined to keep your feelings and innermost thoughts to yourself. A sense of loneliness or isolation frequently accompanies this period of time, or depression and a general sense of pessimism. Domestic problems may also accompany this influence, usually because you feel that in some way your domestic life is not giving you what it should. This is part of a larger feeling that you are not getting support or assistance from anyone or anything, which may or may not be true. Your real problem is either that you are cut off from your emotions or that your emotions are too unpleasant to deal with. This influence may force you to briefly experience what you consider to be your negative side. Thus there is a strong conflict between what you think of yourself and what you think you should be.

damn.

TERBORCH'S DRESSES

2008-11-24T13:54:00.000-08:00

Speaking of Lifetime...

2008-11-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

My favorite Lifetime movie of all time is Small Sacrifices: The Diane Downs Story. Diane Downs was a cray cray lady who fell in love with a man who didn't want children so she shot her three kids in her car one night while listening to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf." Then she shot herself in the arm, drove very slowly to an ER and said "a black man did it." Cheryl Ann Downs, 7, was dead on arrival. Danny Downs, 3, was paralyzed from the chest down. The eldest child, Christie, 8, survived although she suffered a temporary loss of speech due to a stroke following the shooting. Christie, a witness to her mother's crime, eventually recovered enough to speak out to the police and testify in court against her mother. The two surviving children were eventually adopted by one of the case's prosecutors and his wife.

Ms. Downs was deemed a "criminal psychopath:" a genetically predisposed, narcissistic antisocial who wants what she wants, regardless of any cost to others. Diane Downs was found guilty on all charges, and was sentenced to life in prison plus 50 years. She even escapes prison in 1987, but was caught soon after.

Obvi Farrah Fawcett is the jam in this role that was made for her in bleached/blue eyeshadow/rose tattoo/cigarette heaven.

* For more Lifetime movies see The Burning Bed - also starring FF

My Lifetime Movies, Generated.

2008-11-17T16:39:00.000-08:00

Love's Savage Fetus

I Woke Up Vomiting: The Untold Story of Jess Paps

Blah: Disease in the Night

My Pregnancy, My Nightmare: A Tumor Called Nowhere

Not Without My Paranoid Brother

God, My Father Won't Stop Deflowering Me

My Husband or My Sore

The Dark Perversion of Jess Paps

The Saturn Return

2008-11-10T11:09:00.000-08:00

The Last Toast

I drink to our ruined house,

to the dolor of my life,
to our loneliness together:
and to you I raise my glass,
to lying lips that have betrayed us,
to dead-cold, pitiless eyes,
and to the hard realities:
that the world is brutal and coarse,
that God in fact has not saved us.

-Anna Akhmatova 1934

besties

2008-11-06T07:39:00.000-08:00

michelle: what did i say about him? do you remember?

me: you said he had white boy dick

michelle: uh. he was with a dude and they looked like they were trying to seperate cough syrup between two bottles.

me: robo trippin'
michelle: he glanced in my direction and all i could think was PORN THEFT

me: what a pussy

michelle: woman hater totes rides the G with me every morning
me: ugh.

michelle: he sleeps with his sunglasses on the whole time

me: ewwwwwwww. hes a creepy goth narc.

michelle: today is my moms bday

me: last night i broke my phone with tears.

2008-10-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

PEACH IS THE NEW PAPS

BRUCCI DEBBIE'S ORANGE (10) and it makes a Girl...

Some people say one should never mix PEACH and RED but I disagree...
PEACH should be worn with RED NAILS.

Nail Hardener is only $2.35 and I say #212 is not just an area code...

XOXO

Oh, and never ever forget your perfume

DEAD WHALES

2008-04-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

Childhood Is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies

2008-04-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

Childhood Is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies

Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age
The child is grown, and puts away childish things.
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.

Nobody that matters, that is. Distant relatives of course
Die, whom one never has seen or has seen for an hour,
And they gave one candy in a pink-and-green stripéd bag, or a
jack-knife,
And went away, and cannot really be said to have lived at all.

And cats die. They lie on the floor and lash their tails,
And their reticent fur is suddenly all in motion
With fleas that one never knew were there,
Polished and brown, knowing all there is to know,
Trekking off into the living world.
You fetch a shoe-box, but it's much too small, because she won't
curl up now:
So you find a bigger box, and bury her in the yard, and weep.
But you do not wake up a month from then, two months
A year from then, two years, in the middle of the night
And weep, with your knuckles in your mouth, and say Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies that matters,
—mothers and fathers don't die.

And if you have said, "For heaven's sake, must you always be
kissing a person?"
Or, "I do wish to gracious you'd stop tapping on the window with
your thimble!"
Tomorrow, or even the day after tomorrow if you're busy having
fun,
Is plenty of time to say, "I'm sorry, mother."

To be grown up is to sit at the table with people who have died,
who neither listen nor speak;
Who do not drink their tea, though they always said
Tea was such a comfort.

Run down into the cellar and bring up the last jar of raspberries;
they are not tempted.
Flatter them, ask them what was it they said exactly
That time, to the bishop, or to the overseer, or to Mrs. Mason;
They are not taken in.
Shout at them, get red in the face, rise,
Drag them up out of their chairs by their stiff shoulders and shake
them and yell at them;
They are not startled, they are not even embarrassed; they slide
back into their chairs.

Your tea is cold now.
You drink it standing up,
And leave the house.

Edna St. Vincent Millay (1937)

I want, I want

2007-12-06T08:43:00.000-08:00

to my

bleach

2007-11-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

2007-11-13T13:48:00.001-08:00

Love is not all: it is not meat nor drink
Nor slumber nor a roof against the rain;
Nor yet a floating spar to men that sink
And rise and sink and rise and sink again;
Love can not fill the thickened lung with breath,
Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone;
Yet many a man is making friends with death
Even as I speak, for lack of love alone.
It well may be that in a difficult hour,
Pinned down by pain and moaning for release,
Or nagged by want past resolution's power,
I might be driven to sell your love for peace,
Or trade the memory of this night for food.
It well may be. I do not think I would.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay