PAPS: Paternity P.I.

Yesterday I happened across a bit of very popular and "blind" gossip. Seeing as I was having one of the most boring coma inducing days, I decided to take up the mystery as a cause. Sometimes my college degree and research experience really comes in handy. So here it goes, the item first courtesy of http://blindgossip.com.

Baby Looks Just Like The Fling

This celebrity couple has been together for a few years now. They have at least one child together. Earlier in their relationship, she had an affair, a baby was born, and the couple continued their relationship. As the child gets older, however, it is becoming more and more apparent that the child very strongly resembles the fling. In fact, if you compare the photos of the celebrity child to childhood photos of the fling, they look like two peas in a pod. And, yes, the fling is a celebrity too, although not as high profile as the celebrity couple.

Okay. Now the leading contenders...

1. VIOLET AFFLECK (+ JENN GARNER)

2. SURI CRUISE (+ KATIE HOLMES)

VIOLET

"Jennifer Garner cheated on her first husband, Scott Foley, with Michael Vartan. Following which she cheated on Michael Vartan with Ben Affleck- once a cheater, always a cheater." - anon



"I’m going with Violet Affleck being the daughter of Michael Vartan and here’s why: Violet’s hair is too blond to make her the child of two brunette parents. Remember when Vartan was sporting a black eye? Makes you go “hmmm.” -anon







"Two peas in a pod. Garner n' Garber. Victor Garber. He has been seen going with Jen to Dr apts when she was pregnant. How many women would have just a friend go to a personal ob appt? There is more to that friendship than meets the eye. Trust. Violet i s the perfect mix of Jen Garner and Victor Garber. Look for the pic of him holding her little pink stroller. Twinsies!" -anon ------->

Yet I see pictures of Ben Affleck from his childhood and case closed- Ben Affleck IS the daddy-

SURI (+ Katie Holmes)

Holy Cheese Whiz this story is complicated. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into.
I'm not normally a conspiracy theorist but I buy it, I do.

1) Scientology (literally killz)
2) Tom Cruise Image Make-Over
3) "The BUMP" Controversy
4) Photographs don't lie h8trs
5) Tom's Prior Fertility Issues ("Tom and Nicole were "trying" for years with no success. And his first wife Mimi Rogers couldn't get pregnant either! Then both Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman immediately go on to have children with their next husbands!")

Katie Holmes was already pregnant with Chris Klein's baby. Witnesses have reported th at Klein confessed to getting Katie pregnant. Then she was recruited by Tom who desperately needed an image makeover (as a young, virile, fertile stud) and a sham marri ag e (vis-a-vis his agreement with Scientology to protect his homosexuality) thus they pretended to have the baby in April when she had actually given birth earlier, hence all the hullabaloo surrounding her ever-changing bump and then keeping Suri hidden until the Vanity Fair cover when she looked 3-6 months older than her stated age. Also the birth certificate is blank and dated wrong.

"Katie stuck a pumpkin up her jumper. I have never seen a bump like it!! Suri looks older than just turned 1!"

The next theory surrounds the possibility of an egg donor, most popularly believed to be Tom Cruise's cousin William Mapother. ehhh, too weird....what's the point?

BUT THE WINNER IS....AND I HAVE DONE MY RESEARCH!

-Katie and Joshua Jackson dated exclusively for about a year in the beginning of the TV series and then broke up. When Dawson's Creek ended, Katie claimed in interviews that Josh was her closest friend of the cast– they remained good friends (friends w/benefits) and kept in touch. Katie flew all the way to London just to see his play in the West End, and you can bet she didn’t do anything like that for any other former Creekers. Yet Josh was the only former cast mate NOT invited to her wedding. Funny, no? And since, she's cut all ties with him.

-When Katie and Chris Klein broke up for good, Josh was the first person Katie went to see. A very, VERY short time later we hear that Katie Holmes is engaged to Tom Cruise and supposedly having his love child. A baby was definitely part of the contract.

-After Suri was born, A-list celebrity’s doctors were reportedly “shocked” to hear Cruise had fathered a child. Also, following Nicole Kidman’s Vanity Fair interview (regarding her supposed miscarriage with Tom’s baby) word came out that a big name actress agreed to say a few things that might not be 100% true in order to get a role she desperately wanted (and then Kidman won the Oscar for The Hours)

Suri looks soooo much like Joshua Jackson that it’s becoming more clear day by day. And remember–Jackson was a child actor ("Mighty Ducks”, “Andre”, etc) so there is knowledge of, and access to, what he looked like. "Anyone that has a minute to do the side-by-side will see it." Time line puts Katie Holmes in very close proximity with him, her extra special ex, at the very beginning of her Tom Cruise contract. Either she got knocked up and went along or she sought out a trusted friend/sperm donor who needed a pay day. Maybe TomKat got Jackson the 'Fringe' gig. Regardless, Tom and Kate's whole relationship is a publicity stunt, Katie rocked a fake belly for some of the pregnancy and Tom is a gay whack-job.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND
CASE CLOSED